Segways

Remember when Segways were about to come out and everybody was throwing a big fit over them? Whatever happened to all of that nonsense?

Years have passed, and I've still never seen an average person riding down the street in a Segway. The only people I've ever seen riding Segways in Minneapolis have been cops (really, you can't ride bikes?) and weird people giving away free products like air.

No really, one time I was walking in downtown Minneapolis and some dude came up to me on a Segway and gave me bottled air. I asked him if he was joking and he said no. I proceeded to tell him that his business was doomed to fail. True story.

Anyway, where are all these Segways we were promised would "change the way we perceive transportation in our country?" I'm pretty sure there's no real benefit whatsoever to purchasing a $5,000 scooter when I could very well go off and grab a thing that I have to put my foot on the ground for every couple of seconds from a garage sale for five bucks.


Is it really worth that much more money to have to not have to exercise while walking on a sidewalk? When somebody purchases a Segway, it's not like they're going to be riding it on the highway, or even a road for that matter.

What the hell reason is there to buy a Segway? No wonder the concept failed and we don't see any of them anywhere. They're stupid and only stupid people have them. Maybe if we lived in Stupidopolous, more people would have them.

But I'm pretty sure we don't live in Stupidopolous, do we.

**If you do a google image search for "stupidopolous," this picture of Bill Clinton being old and wearing glasses is the only thing that shows up. Try it at home and see for yourself!