Why Aren't You Listening to Adam Carolla's Podcast?

Seriously, what's wrong with you? Adam Carolla is the smartest person on the planet, and he's funny too.

For the ignorant of you, Adam Carolla was the "other guy" on The Man Show. He was the skinny, taller, more Italian guy who worked alongside Jimmy Kimmel. He was never funny on that show, but that's because he's awfully suited for television.

His radio persona is a completely different story. He was on Loveline with Dr. Drew for a decade, and made anyone who came within reach of hearing his voice bow down to his glory. I know I did.

There's not much funny to this post, but it's rather more of a public service announcement because people need to be listening to his new podcast. It's been up and running for a few months now and it's completely free. The only thing he's asking in return is that his fans go out and get more people to listen. He loves doing it, and with the only motivation being the number of listeners (he's #1 on itunes for comedy podcasts), he's definitely legit.

So get in the game and begin listening to him. He is way more awesome than you: LISTEN HERE

It's Not A Small World

All the time, I hear people saying, once they realize that someone they know knows someone they know, "it's a small world!"

No, it's not a small world. Not at all.

Just because you can go to some get-together and run into someone who has met someone you are related to doesn't mean the world is getting smaller, it means that communication functionality is getting better and better.

The reason why everybody and their mother knows everyone in today's world is that they're integrating themselves in all sorts of new types of interactive social web sites. I mean, obviously.

Have you ever tried walking somewhere before? Walking is hard, and doing it takes forever. The other day I tried walking to my friend's house, which is a couple blocks away, and it took forever.


Exhausted at arrival, I sat down and recollected on my weary travels, and couldn't help but feel like I had really accomplished something. If I could travel this far on my own on foot, what else could I do? Could I go to the grocery store? Could I even go to Best Buy?

Yeah, I could, but that would be stupid because I have a car that I can drive in, which gets me there a lot quicker.

But that doesn't mean that the amount traveled is any less, it's just easier to get there. The same goes with your stupid theories on the world getting smaller. Just because something is easier to accomplish using today's tools doesn't mean it's easier to do in general.

Your relative perception is just skewed, and that is what's contributing to your douchebaggy small-talk rhetoric (but it's not the only thing).

L is I (l vs I), Writing in CAPS, and the Cursive G

I wish the letters L and I didn't look so damn similar in so many types of font.

Why do some people not put serifs on their I's? When you go to Chicago, are you traveling to lllinois? No, because that looks like three of the same letter.

Also, what's the deal with people who write completely in caps lock? What the hell is wrong with you? It's obviously not saving you any time to do so, so why bother? I feel like half the country never bothered to pay attention in first grade.

And then there are some people who seemingly paid too much attention, like the freaks who write completely in cursive all the time. I hate you. None of us are impressed by your handwriting skillz. Get over yourself and realize that writing a capital g like this:


is retarded and takes long to write and it looks stupid and I still hate you. I don't even understand how that's supposed to be a G.

It looks like a damn rollercoaster.

Google "Street View" Updates for Easier Navigation/Creepiness

Just when you thought that Google couldn't get anymore creepier, they decided to go off and update their creepiest feature contained within their website: Google Street View.

There has been quite a bit of ruckus over Street View in the past due to people claiming it has been an invasion of privacy and so forth with plenty of different types of people claiming its creepiness factor is too strong.

Well, to make things a little bit more easy to creep on areas of the real world that you're just too lazy to scout out for yourself, Google decided to give you the functionality to "double-click anywhere!"

What this means is that instead of having to be stuck to the actual streets that the Google Street View van drove on, you're actually able to double click obscure angles and actually zoom in. You can read all about the updates here.

Nonetheless, it's really only a matter of time until we have full blown virtual reality maps provided by Google, and to make things just a little easier to know updated construction schedules (to help plan navigation better), we might as well have real-time virtual reality Google Street View maps.

And the only way to go about real-time 3D virtual reality Google Street View maps is to have cameras on every single street corner, Truman Show style. And then we can all watch each other and Google can make billions of dollars off ad revenue placing Google Ads all over the place.

That's what you want, isn't it Google? To put us all in the Truman Show as a means of saving your precious Google Adsense that has been deflating as a source of revenue.

Well, screw you. That'll show you.

Segways

Remember when Segways were about to come out and everybody was throwing a big fit over them? Whatever happened to all of that nonsense?

Years have passed, and I've still never seen an average person riding down the street in a Segway. The only people I've ever seen riding Segways in Minneapolis have been cops (really, you can't ride bikes?) and weird people giving away free products like air.

No really, one time I was walking in downtown Minneapolis and some dude came up to me on a Segway and gave me bottled air. I asked him if he was joking and he said no. I proceeded to tell him that his business was doomed to fail. True story.

Anyway, where are all these Segways we were promised would "change the way we perceive transportation in our country?" I'm pretty sure there's no real benefit whatsoever to purchasing a $5,000 scooter when I could very well go off and grab a thing that I have to put my foot on the ground for every couple of seconds from a garage sale for five bucks.


Is it really worth that much more money to have to not have to exercise while walking on a sidewalk? When somebody purchases a Segway, it's not like they're going to be riding it on the highway, or even a road for that matter.

What the hell reason is there to buy a Segway? No wonder the concept failed and we don't see any of them anywhere. They're stupid and only stupid people have them. Maybe if we lived in Stupidopolous, more people would have them.

But I'm pretty sure we don't live in Stupidopolous, do we.

**If you do a google image search for "stupidopolous," this picture of Bill Clinton being old and wearing glasses is the only thing that shows up. Try it at home and see for yourself!

My Friend's Cartoon/Short Film

Hey, my good friend Owen Dennis created this short film called "The Greatest Ape" for his senior thesis project. I've decided to do my part to spread the word and get as many people to watch it as possible. So, like, you should watch it and stuff.

And also, I'm thanked in the credits. Which is super cool.



And also, if for some reason you never saw this other movie Owen made that actually stars me as the main character, check it out here. It's called "What I Did Today: The Movie" and it's pretty legit:

Microsoft's "Project Natal" will Destroy Nintendo, Eventually Lead to 3D Sex Robots

So, apparently since the Nintendo Wii came out, Microsoft has been doing a little coneiving themselves in the world of non-controller type video game playing.

While the Nintendo Wii is still considered innovative to most of the general public, it's about to become laughable to people who know anything of the goings-on in the video game industry.

While the Nintendo Wii allows consumers to do such amazing things as stand on a pad and wave a stick in the air, a new Microsoft product, tentatively called "Project Natal," is a full body motion controller. See pictures here.

Now, don't ask me how it works, because all I know is that it involves some sort of sensor that sits underneith your television set, apparently keeping an eye on you in a "Big Brother" type fashion (see how Apple is already Big Brother in my other article here).

Granted, since this is going to be a first generation product, and more importantly released by Microsoft, it's going to suck. But that doesn't change the fact that in like five years, this technology could potentially be amazing. But, does this mean we're that much closer to full-blown 3D gaming?

And if we're that much closer to 3D gaming, does that mean we're that much closer to 3D robot eroticism?

And if we're that much closer to 3D robot eroticism, does that mean we're that much closer to there being no reason for humans to reproduce?

I think there is little doubt at this point that Microsoft is going to take over the world, but now we know the means in which they're going to go about doing it. Artificially intelligent robot sex slaves.

Well, at least they're not Apple.

Hey Look, All the Bees Died

Well, not exactly all of them. Only 1/3 of them did.

Either way, it's pretty crazy. Besides a possible extremely scary disturbance of Earth's ecosystem, leading to a disruption in the very way our planet functions as a whole, this is AWESOME.

Bees are evil, and don't try to tell me they aren't. When I was three years old, I stuck my hand in a beehive (I was really smart, see) and ever since then I have been waiting for humanity's revenge on these evil things. (I'm sure you can tell how my hand-beehive situation turned out.)


I mean, look at them. They have big needle things in their butts. You know what's supposed to come out of a rear end? Either feces or a tail or both. But not a big giant needle thing that is to be used as a weapon.

How come bees evolved to have an equipped weapon on their bodies, anyway? Why is it that some animals are born with self-defense weapons and others are forced to fend for themselves?

It all sounds a little unfair to me, and all I can say is that it's about time the universe took vengeance on these insects for what they did to me when I was three. They may have won that battle, but (apparently) they sure aren't winning the war.