I Don't Understand Sunglasses Anymore

I'm not really sure about this whole huge-framed glasses cancer thing that's going around lately, but I'm not having any of it.

At first it was all about the Paris Hilton glasses:

Now, although these glasses are a style made prominent by Paris Hilton, despite all logic, they still managed to become cool.

Now, I'll let these kind of glasses slide. They're okay in the sense that they block sunlight. Granted, they're obnoxious, over-the-top, and make you look like an alien, but at least they block out the sun.

Now, the latest style of glasses that seem to be becoming popular are just retarded. Seriously, what's the deal with this shit:

(By the way, it's too easy to make fun of Kanye West, so I'm not going to. Just watch this if you don't believe me.)

Now, wearing stupid little white glasses with slits in the eyes does not make you cool. I promise.

I don't know, and honestly I don't really want to know. All I do know is that if I ever meet someone who is wearing these kind of glasses in a serious, non-sarcastic manner, I will never speak to them.

I would consider running up to them, though. I think it would be pretty damn funny to run up to someone, grab an article of clothing off their body, and run.

Why doesn't that happen more often? I think there needs to be more random clothing thefts in this country. Would something like that be reported on the news?

I mean, how many times would someone have to steal random articles of clothing in random places before it became a serious crime? I know it might be considered "funny" to normal people, but wouldn't it be much more funny if the public took it all seriously? I can't think of anything more funny in my head right now than the press reporting in a serious tone over the recent thefts of the notorious sunglasses stealer.

Someone, please become the notorious sunglasses stealer.