Comb overs

There is nothing more funny than a blatant comb over.

I had a professor in my statistics class this year who was very, very obviously completely bald. Instead of embracing his baldness and/or cutting his hair to be very short on the sides and back of his head, he decided to do something else.

He decided to only grow hair on the right side of his head, thereby having a foot's worth of hair to curl over the rest of his scalp, giving the illusion that he actually did have hair.

Except you'd have to be a complete moron to actually to actually fall for it.

So what I'm trying to say is this: if you're completely bald and want to do something to make the world smile, please only grow the hair on the right side of your face. It's hilarious.

Mac Webcams = Big Brother

I have come to the conclusion that Apple is Big Brother.

My reasoning for this is the creepy as hell fact that there is a camera in every single Apple laptop, creepily watching everything you do. It's creepy.

How can any Mac laptop computer owner feel comfortable with a camera on them at all times?

It's only a matter of time until Apple is sold to the government, and the government requires that these cameras be turned on at all times.

Then, the government will put a mustached fellow on each laptop with cameras in his eyes. Then it will be called Big Brother. Then everyone will yell, "Holy crap! That whole 1984 thing was really good at predicting the horrible path that Apple would take lolz."

And thus will be the end of the world.

Scratching Your Back

Why in the world can't we scratch every part of our backs? It's a bunch of hullabaloo (yes, hullabaloo) that I can't scratch the dead center of my back.

How can it be possible that our bodies can suck so much. Looking at my blog on how much we suck at evolving from yesterday, I just can't help but hate on humanity's evolutionary patterns. Because they suck.

I shouldn't have to grab a stick and/or other person to scratch my back. I should have arms that can reach any part of my body, without having to resort to growing out my fingernails to disgustingly long lengths.

I'm assuming that's why people who grow out their fingernails do so, to scratch their backs...


This guy must have had a really bad itch.

Kangaroos Rule

Kangaroos are pretty much the coolest animal in the world. Not only is every single kangaroo a professional boxer, but they also have built-in pockets. See the kangaroo's kid chillin' there in the pocket? That's the life.

It's just not fair, pockets are awesome. I use them for carrying things and stuff.

I want to evolve to have a pocket. Granted, I realize that like kangaroos, I'd probably have to carry a stupid baby in it for awhile. But after that, it could come in really useful.


Here are some of the things that I would finally be able to carry around at all times if I had a pouch/pocket:


A laptop
Laptops are handy for when I think of something unimpressive to write about. Sometimes, like when I'm in the middle of the rainforest, I think, "Man, if only I had a laptop, I could write about something right now."


A garbage canSometimes you're walking around with food, and after unwrapping and devouring said food, you're stuck with a plastic wrapper. Then all of a sudden your nice outdoor adventure turns into a time-wasting search for a garbage can. It would be awesome to be able to have a garbage can inside you.


Video Games + TVVideo games are fun, and they're even more fun if you have a TV to play them on. If I had a huge pouch on my belly, I might consider bringing around a television and video game system to play with wherever I go.


So anyway, yeah. Humans suck at evolving compared to kangaroos.

Things I miss from the Old Days of the Internet

You know what more websites need? Animated Gifs.

I remember the old days, when everyone on earth used crappy WYSIWYG software to throw together a sloppy website. 10 years ago, no one could go without throwing in a bunch of random Gifs everywhere.

You just couldn't stop yourself from doing it. I know I threw my share of animated Gifs all over the place in my first websites (which I made in elementary school, mind you).

You know what else you never see anymore? Counters.


Counters were the funnest thing in the world to mess with. You'd go to some kid's website on Nintendo or Pokemon or thermodynamics and you'd see that only 40 people had ever visited the site. Then you'd hit refresh and see the counter go up. Then you'd hit refresh 4,000 more times.

Although, I might have been the only person to ever find that entertaining.

CDs don't want to be bought

I don't think CDs (compact disks) actually want to be bought. Or at least if they do, they're not trying very hard.

In the world of free downloads with services like Limewire, Kazaa, and Bittorrent, buying a CD makes you a loser. When was the last time you bought a CD? If you remember, you are a loser.

How have CDs combated this unbelievably low download price of zero? By not lowering their prices as a result of lower demand, that's how!

Now, the whole price thing doesn't bother me much. What causes me to think that CDs don't want to be bought is the fact that not only do they "cost money," but they are more importantly impossible to be opened. It is impossible to open that plastic, and if you think you can open it easily, you are a liar.

I think I might create a company where I hire large amounts of employees to provide the service of opening the plastic wrapped around compact disks. Although it might not be successful because record companies haven't figured out that they should lower the prices of their CDs yet. Damn.

How to Judge Art

I've come to realize that every single person in this world (other than me) has a lot of trouble deciphering the difference between good art and bad art.

Some people might say it's impossible to tell what's good and what's bad when it comes to art and I'm here to say those people are wrong.

The only factor one should consider when determining a work of art's goodness is its size. The bigger the art, the better. Amazingly simple as it may be, this is the best way to truly critique art.

There is no downfall to this system of measurement.

So how do you tell what's good art? Well, let's take two pieces of art and try to figure out which is the better art together. The two pieces of artwork that I will be examining the "goodness" of are:

The Mona Lisa
and The Statue of Liberty


The Mona Lisa comes in at 31 x 21 inches in length. The Statue of Liberty comes in at approximately 12 acres.

The Statue of Liberty is obviously therefore a much better work of art.

Try this at home. It's applicable to every form of art and is a fun and easy way to judge other people's work.

Furby

Furbies were really, really creepy.

That is all.

The Monopoly Guy.

Why wasn't the Monopoly guy a board piece? Depending on the board game you have, you'll generally have a choice of having one of the following board pieces:

• Wheelbarrow
• Battleship
• Guy on horse
• Car
• Train
• Thimble
• Cannon
• Shoe
• Dog
• Iron
• Top Hat

None of these are the Monopoly guy.

Whose idea was it to make a damn wheelbarrow board piece?


Does anybody ever reach for the thimble in the mad dash for favorite board pieces before starting a game of Monopoly?

It just doesn't make sense that one of the most famous board game celebrities ever would not have a miniaturized version of himself in his own game.

It pisses me off. He has a sweet mustache and cane.

Lava: Nature's Poop?

I was reading an article on a Chilean Volcano exploding today and it got me thinking.

You hear of nature lovers talking about how the earth is a living thing, etc., but you never really hear of the earth doing anything that all living things do. I mean, yeah, you can say that the earth enables growth and stuff, but that's not cool.

I began reminiscing about about one of the greatest books ever: Everyone Poops.

And I realized, if the earth is a living thing, then it has to poop.

I then proceeded to connect the dots between these two lines of thought and realized that lava is poop and volcanoes are like butts.

I then proceeded to realize how immature my sense of humor is.

Movie Reviews by Me

Just in case any of you were wondering what I was busy with this past week, I made a list of every single movie I have ever seen and gave a review (0 to 4 stars) with each movie. This took me many hours and is something you will never do.

So yeah, I am the win, and here's a link to see the list:

http://reviewsbytaylor.blogspot.com