What to do when the Great Depression: Part Deux hits

So what are you guys going to do once TGD: Part Deux hits? I'm already trying to brainstorm some ideas of how I'm going to go about making ends meet. I've brainstormed some different ideas I have, not taking into consideration any sort of "moral" objections I may have - and you can't steal these ideas because they're mine.

1. Prostitution

The easy, most obvious choice, my problem with this is that it's just too easy. Anyone can become a prostitute, but it takes real charisma to be able to go on the street and become a beggar or something similar to that. Plus, I imagine I would probably find myself in some pretty "sticky" situations if I wasn't careful. It could be pretty gross and full of disease, too. Probably not the safest bet.

2. Stealing things
Stealing things may be a funny idea to some, but for others, it's a genuine career choice. As stealing car radios and the like from cars might have a good turn-around and be rather profitable in the short-term, the problem is, nobody would have the money to pay for stolen things in a Great Depression.

The idea of stealing anything material is kind of a broken idea, because once Part Deux hits, nobody's going to be wanting to listen to the radio. They're going to be wanting to eat potatoes and shit. So maybe, just maybe, I should become a...

3. Potato stealer

Now, some people may argue that stealing potatoes should have gone underneath the "stealing things" category. To this, I say that you are right, but my list looks a lot longer if I have more items with numbers attached to them. You'll notice, too, that the more text I write underneath any one of these ideas, the more legitimate it appears to the average viewer who doesn't actually read these things, and instead just looks at the pretty pictures.

4. Unimpressive, unfunny blog author

I tried this one already, and it doesn't make me any money. Maybe, though, under the right circumstances (such as the world becoming bizarro-world), I could make some cash. But it's just not a very good idea in general. In fact, it's an awful idea that only an idiot would try.

5. Homeless dude/beggar

Finally! The funnest idea on this list. Some people might think that beggars are pathetic and should get jobs. To these people I say, screw off! Beggars are awesome and have some pretty funny signs.

I would love to be able to stand on the street for awhile with a "will work for food" sign, as long as the weather wasn't cold. I wonder how many amazing different kinds of foods I would be offered! I mean, that's what happens, right? I imagine every day a man driving around in the backseat of a limosine while wearing a tuxedo offers bums gourmet dinners on the house. I need to eat more gourmet dinners, and therefore need to become a homeless man.

6. Consultant

Who really knows what a consultant does or how you become one, but it sounds like a pimp job. Do you need me to tell you some shit to do and give you advice on how you're doing everything wrong? Hell yes, and I won't even demand money in return. In Part Deux though, times will be tough, and I will need to be paid for my awesome consulting skillz.

Anyway, those are just the first six ideas that popped into my head during my brainstorming session in the past 10 minutes. I'll probably have more once Part Deux hits, but I'm not going to tell you because I don't want the competition.

I Don't Understand Sunglasses Anymore

I'm not really sure about this whole huge-framed glasses cancer thing that's going around lately, but I'm not having any of it.

At first it was all about the Paris Hilton glasses:

Now, although these glasses are a style made prominent by Paris Hilton, despite all logic, they still managed to become cool.

Now, I'll let these kind of glasses slide. They're okay in the sense that they block sunlight. Granted, they're obnoxious, over-the-top, and make you look like an alien, but at least they block out the sun.

Now, the latest style of glasses that seem to be becoming popular are just retarded. Seriously, what's the deal with this shit:

(By the way, it's too easy to make fun of Kanye West, so I'm not going to. Just watch this if you don't believe me.)

Now, wearing stupid little white glasses with slits in the eyes does not make you cool. I promise.

I don't know, and honestly I don't really want to know. All I do know is that if I ever meet someone who is wearing these kind of glasses in a serious, non-sarcastic manner, I will never speak to them.

I would consider running up to them, though. I think it would be pretty damn funny to run up to someone, grab an article of clothing off their body, and run.

Why doesn't that happen more often? I think there needs to be more random clothing thefts in this country. Would something like that be reported on the news?

I mean, how many times would someone have to steal random articles of clothing in random places before it became a serious crime? I know it might be considered "funny" to normal people, but wouldn't it be much more funny if the public took it all seriously? I can't think of anything more funny in my head right now than the press reporting in a serious tone over the recent thefts of the notorious sunglasses stealer.

Someone, please become the notorious sunglasses stealer.