Wishbone

Remember how much Wishbone rocked? Man, he was awesome.

I was at work today when all of sudden I started singing, "What's the story, Wishbone!" And then I was like, "Holy mother of god I miss Wishbone."

Have to read a long, boring novel by tomorrow's test in English? Don't worry about it, Wishbone's here to save your ass. Wishbone was always the MAIN CHARACTER in a ton of long, boring books redone as TV shows, only Wishbone made them 10 times more awesome. No matter how complicated the part was, Wishbone always stepped up to the plate and gave an Emmy caliber performance.

Not only did they do a story for each episode, but the story was the subplot. It wasn't even the main story. Wishbone was such a mastermind that he would go out of his way to dumb stuff down and relate the historical work of fiction of the week to the events that were going on in his life that day. Wishbone's life was epic.

I wonder how many people passed high school because of Wishbone? Probably about a billion.

He probably just hung out with his dumbass master to get some free food, but his creepy friend nobody cared about and that dumb blond chick were probably always around in order to get closer to Wishbone. Because he rules.

How come Wishbone isn't worshiped? I think it's time we built some churches or something for him."Bitches."

Tic Tac Toe

Tic Tac Toe is the worst game ever.

99.9% of the time you play Tic Tac Toe, it ends in a draw.

Stupid.

It's not even fun, so why play it? Are you seriously that inept at doodling something that you have to bother the person next to you with your boredom? No one even ever asks if you want to play Tic Tac Toe, it's always a demand where one person draws out the board and shoves it in their friend's face, expecting they'll also be excited to take part in the inevitable disappointing draw. The only way to win is if one of you gets even more bored than you originally were to begin with so that your mind begins to wander and you no longer even care about a stupid game you began playing because you were bored. Awesome.

Ridiculing aside, I have decided that the Tic Tac Toe creators (who I bet were soccer fans) could use a bit of constructive criticism: your damn game needs more damn rules.

Your game is extremely flawed. You need to rethink it and allow for some damn strategy to take place. This is an attribute of all good games. You know that game, "Chess"? Way better than your crap.

Maybe you could add a new move in there to mix things up. Maybe each player could put a B in a spot and that counts as a bomb and if the next person goes there he or she automatically dies. Like, literally. Make it a deathmatch. Or something, I don't know. Just fix it.^This example of a "win" in Tic Tac Toe doesn't actually happen unless the person you are playing with is really, really dumb or they just stopped caring before you did.

Independence Day

As I was writing the story yesterday, it got me to thinking a lot deeper into the movie "Independence Day", the first of many Will Smith films to integrate some form of alien or monster or robot or fish.

I'll be blunt, the aliens in Independence Day were dumb. Straight up.

First of all, why did they care so much about hovering over the White House and attacking that? Was that really necessary to do? If they're going to do the most amount of damage to the most amount of people, I really doubt that blowing that up was the best idea. I feel like the aliens were just being cocky about it. Seriously. They could have just sent in a couple alien dudes to go in and get things done.

How much energy does it take to use that damn weapon, anyway? I figure if their entire race depended on the sole idea that they had limited resources, and thereby they had to go get other planets' resources, they'd be pretty damn economical when it came to putting their resources to use.

But regardless of that little bit that was confusing, why in the hell were they blowing everything up in the first place? Weren't they coming to earth to reap us of all our precious, precious resources? Oh man, here's a great idea, let's blow everything all the hell up and see what's left to reap.

I just feel like the aliens didn't plan this thing out at all.

Why the hell is the Statue of Liberty tipped over in this scene in the movie? Did they go and just tip it over for good measure? What the hell.